If I Only Could...

A. Perfect, wonderful, number-one A.
The first letter of the alphabet.
The number-one successor to L's title.

Perfect, wonderful A.

B, the second-in-line, had mixed feelings about this boy. He loved him and hated him. He was disgusted by him and he wanted him. But, most of all, he wanted what A had – the leading spot to L's title.

As he watched him, knowing that A was unaware, B's lips curled into a cross between a smile and a scowl.

"It doesn't hurt me." He whispered. "You wanna feel how it feels? You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?" He chuckled quietly. "You want to hear about the deal I'm making?"

A didn't notice his whispers, quietly immersed in his studies. Every so often, his hand would reach up to brush an auburn lock out of his glasses-covered, blue eyes and then he would continue reading.

"You…be running up that hill." B whispered, moving closer to him gradually, slinking against the wall. "You and me…be running up that hill…"

A could sense his approach, but only granted a glance at his black-haired rival, whose eyes tinted red and pierced through his soul.

"If I only could make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places…" B came up behind him, sliding his arms down and around the other boy, whispering, "I'd be running up that road…I'd be running up that hill…I'd be running up that building." He slid his hand down and A finally reacted, stnading up and brushing him off.

"Enough, B." A said firmly, walking off into the other room.

B's lips curled into a sad smile. "If I only could…" He stepped away from the chair, sighing.

In the other room, A glanced at B and shook his head before walking over to a window, where Watari was packing the car to leave for another trip with L. "You don't wanna hurt me…" He whispered, clenching his fist.  "But, see how deep the bullet lies?" He rested his head against the cold glass, feeling the cold bite of winter. "Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder…"

L stepped out after Watari, dressed in bundles of warm clothing that the old man had made him wear. "There's a thunder in our hearts, baby." A whispered, his hands clenching tighter before looked at where B was. "So much hate for the ones we love!" He glanced back at L and placed his hands flat against the window. "Tell me, we both matter…don't we?"

L stepped into the open car and curled up, and A looked away from the window. "You…be running up that hill." He whispered. "You and me…" He looked towards the room B was in again. "Be running up that hill…" He looked down and stepped away from the window. "You and me won't be unhappy."

"If I only could make a deal with God," B had moved from the chair A was sitting in to the scoreboard posted up on the billboard near Roger's office.

"And get him to swap our places." A was still in that room, looking at old articles of L's achievements.

"I'd be running up that road." B clenched his fists, looking at the score board.

"I'd be running up that hill…" A pushed the article away, his eyes closed.

"I'd be running up that building." They both said, B leaning against the wall and A leaning back in the chair he was sitting in.

"If I only could…oh…" B closed his eyes, sighing.

A picks up a pair of scissors and starts to snip at the article, cutting out L's name and then reaching for another headline, which he cuts the "A" out of.

"Come on, baby…" B breathed, looking up at the scoreboard again, "Come on, come on, darling…" He steps aside as Roger comes to change the scores on the board, A still above B. "Let me steal this moment from you now…" He waited until Roger was gone and then looked at the scores, imagining them swapped.

"Come on, angel…" A whispered as he looked at the cut-out L and then at the scrapbook he was making. "Come on, come on, darling…" He smiled and set down the "L", pasting in the "A" on the board where L's name was before. "Let's exchange the experience…"

"Oh…" B blinked as he was bumped into by a teacher and shot back to reality.

"If I only could…" A closed the scrapbook.

"Make a deal with God..." B turned and walked away from the scoreboard.

A stood up. "And get him to swap-"

"-Our-" B stopped and looked in the room A was in.

"-Places." A turned towards B and then turned away, walking out through another door.

"I'd be running up that road…" B whispered, watching him go.

"I'd be running up that hill." A glanced out the window as the car drove down the road.

"With no problems…" They both said together, B looking at the scrapbook and A out the window.

"With no problems…" A whispered.

"If I only could…I'd be running up that hill." B opened the scrapbook, frowning at the altered articles.

"If I only could… I'd be running up that hill." A glanced away from the window.

"If I only could… I'd be running up that hill." B closed the scrapbook and stood up.

"If I only could…I'd be running up that hill." A started for his room.

"If I only could…I'd be running up that hill." B sat down, holding the scrapbook close.

"If I only could…I'd be running up that hill." A opened his bedroom and closed the door behind him, flopping down on his bed.

"If I only could…I'd be running up that hill." B stood up and went to his own room.

"If I only could…" They both said, A curling up with his pillow and B entering his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

~ End